Laugh for the day

[5150George]

The banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty-year old rancher, in town.
Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumor had it that he was marrying a "mail order" bride. Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumor was true. Tom assured him that it was. The banker then asked Tom the age of his new bride to be. Tom proudly said, "She'll be twenty-one in November."
Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty-year-old man. Wanting his old friend's remaining years to be happy the banker tactfully suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take its own course.
Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon.
About four months later, the banker ran into Tom in town again. "How's the new wife?", asked the banker.
Tom proudly said, "Good - She's pregnant."
The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued, "And how's the hired hand?"
Without hesitating, Tom said, "She's pregnant too."

[MrH]

Two men dressed in pilot's uniforms walk up the aisle of the airplane.
Both are wearing dark sunglasses, one is using a guide dog,the other is
tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.

Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men Enter, the door
closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing
nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little
practical joke. None is forthcoming.

The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and the people
sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the
water at the edge of the airport territory. As it begins to look as though the plane will plow into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin.

At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers
relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their
magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.



In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turn to the other and says, "you
know , Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're
all going to die.


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[CarrieJ899]

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[LBR]

A WISH TO LIVE FOREVER

I met a fairy who said she would grant me one wish.
Immediately I said, “I want to live forever.”
“Sorry,” said the fairy, “I’m not allowed to grant eternal life.”
“OK,” I said, “Then, I want to die after Congress gets its head out of its ass!”
“You crafty bastard,” said the fairy.

[MrH]

A very rich Arab walks into a bar and is about to order a drink, when he sees a guy close by wearing a Yarmulke, a prayer shawl/tzitzis and traditional locks of hair.

He doesn't have to be an Einstein to know that this guy is Jewish.

So, he shouts over to the bartender so loudly that everyone can hear, "Drinks for everyone in here, bartender, but not for the Jew over there."

Soon after the drinks have been handed out, the Jew gives him a big smile, waves at him, then says, "Thank you!" in an equally loud voice.

This infuriates the Arab. He once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the Jew.

As before, this does not seem to bother the Jewish guy. He continues to smile, and again yells, "Thank you!"

He does this once again for the third time, but not including the Jew again.

The Arab gets real cranky so he asks the bartender: "what the hell is the matter with that Jew ? I've ordered three rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar, all 113 of them but him, and all the silly beggar does is smile and thank me. Is he nuts ?"

"Nope", replies the bartender. "He owns the place."
*


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[LBR]

[LBR]

[CarrieJ899]

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[The Rattler (BLR)]

[CarrieJ899]

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