OK lets post a funny
Attachment 10
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OK lets post a funny
Attachment 10
For all of us Crazies
Attachment 11
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.
John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to ‘clean up’ the bird’s vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.
For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and said “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.”
John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly, “May I ask what the turkey did?”
Lol !
Attachment 60
Attachment 62no !!!
Games for Brodie and his gang
Attachment 88 .
A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway, when a little old lady taps him on his shoulder. She offers him a handful of almonds, which he gratefully munches up.
After approx.15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of almonds. She repeats this gesture about eight times.
At the ninth time he asks the little old lady why they don't eat the almonds themselves, whereupon she replies that it is not possible because of their old teeth, they are not able to chew them. "Why do you buy them then?" he asks puzzled. Where upon the old lady Answers, "We just love the chocolate around them."
I think this is a good one.
Attachment 96
One day an employee came in to work with both of his ears bandaged.
When his boss asked him what happened, he explained:
"Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang
and I accidentally answered the iron instead of the phone!"
"Well," the boss said, "that explains one ear, but what
about the other?" "They called back!"
Friend asked me how I got two black eyes in one day. Well I was in church and the lady in front stood up and she had a wedgie so I pulled it out. Wap! one black eye. Guess she didn't want it out so I put it back in...
Old blind walks into a bar orders a beer and asks the bartender if she would like to hear a blonde joke the bartender replies that she doesn't think that would be a good idea. The old fella asks why and she replies that she is a blonde herself along with 4 other ladies in the bar, one being a professional weightlifter, 2 are biker gals and the other 2 are professional wrestlers. She asks him if he still wants to tell a blonde joke, he replies not if I'm gonna have to explain it 5 times !!
A guy walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money and ask the bartender what's that for bartender says see that horse over there if you can make him laugh you can have the money, the guy walks over to the horse whispers in his ears and the horse starts laughing, the bartender says what did you tell him the guy replies I told him my stick is bigger than his.
So the bartender hands him the jar money and all he goes,
A couple of weeks later the man comes back and sees the jar full of money again again he asked the bartender whats that jar of money for bartender says if you can make that horse over there cry you can have the money so the guy walks over to the horse whispers and pulls his pants, and the horse starts crying, the guy comes back to the bartender and the bartender says what did you tell him the guy says I showed him.
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley
motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.
The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike.
The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?"
The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic...
"Try doing it with the engine running."
A Real American
A guy traveling through Mexico on vacation lost his wallet and all of his identification. Cutting his trip short, he attempted to make his way home, but was stopped by the U.S. Customs Agent at the border. "May I see your identification, please?" asked the agent. "I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet," replied the guy."Sure, Buddy, I hear that every day. No ID, no entry," said the agent. "But I can prove I'm an American!" he exclaimed. "I have a picture of Ronald Reagan tattooed on one side of my butt and George Bush on the other." "This I gotta see," replied the agent. With that, the guy dropped his pants and showed the agent his behind. "By golly, you're right!" exclaimed the agent. "Have a safe trip back to Chicago ." "Thanks!" he said. "But how did you know I was from Chicago ?" The agent replied, "I recognized Obama in the middle."
Q: What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A: When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your brand new car.
After much nagging from his wife the elderly farmer made a appointment to see a doctor. The doctor said he appeared fine except for one thing , doctor asked if he had ever been in a accident. Farmer replied no, but his bull once charged him and tossed him over the fence and out of the pasture. Doctor replied you don't consider that a accident, no replied the farmer I believe the bull did that on purpose
Want to know who loves you the most, your wife or the dog...Lock them both in your trunk and see which one is happy when you unlock the trunk and they see you.
A guy traveling through Mexico on vacation lost his wallet and all of his identification. Cutting his trip short, he attempted to make his way home, but was stopped by the U.S. Customs Agent at the border. "May I see your identification, please?" asked the agent. "I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet," replied the guy."Sure, Buddy, I hear that every day. No ID, no entry," said the agent. "But I can prove I'm an American!" he exclaimed. "I have a picture of Ronald Reagan tattooed on one side of my butt and George Bush on the other." "This I gotta see," replied the agent. With that, the guy dropped his pants and showed the agent his behind. "By golly, you're right!" exclaimed the agent. "Have a safe trip back to Chicago ." "Thanks!" he said. "But how did you know I was from Chicago ?" The agent replied, "I recognized Obama in the middle."
Ouch[emoji15][emoji16]
LMAO
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This is the story of the blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.
He has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic, calls out a May Day.
"May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead. And I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!"
She hears a voice over the radio saying:
"This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem.
'Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position."
She says, "I'm 5'4" and I support Obama."
"O.K."... says the voice on the radio...." Repeat after me: ´Our Father, who art in heaven. . . ..'"
[emoji106][emoji109][emoji23]
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[emoji23]
Be careful when having your picture taken...lmaohttp://images.tapatalk-cdn.com/15/07...f837ee482d.jpg
Man tells his wife that when he dies that his final wish is to have all of his money buried in the casket with him. So the time comes that the man dies and at his funeral his wife has them open the casket and places a large box in it.. After the funeral her friend says to her "you put all of the money in the casket". She replies oh hell no, I wrote him a check....
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A BLONDE JOKE THAT YOU'VE NEVER HEARD BEFORE.... *
She desperately wanted a pair of beautiful alligator shoes. *
After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the* *shopkeepers,
the young blonde declared, 'Well, then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my
own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!' *
The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, ’Well, little lady, why don't you
go give it a try?' *
The blonde headed off to the swamp,determined to catch an alligator. Later
in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, and spotted the **young woman
standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand. He saw a huge
9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the
blonde took aim, shot the creature and hauled it up onto the slippery bank.
Nearby were 7 more dead 'gators, all lying belly up.*
he shopkeeper watched in amazement as the blond struggled with the
gator.
Then, rolling her eyes, she screamed in frustration ...... *
"Son-of-a-bitch!! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT TOO!"*
Lol
Lol
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ALABAMA DECLARES WAR ON USA
President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.
"Hello, President Obama” a heavily accented southern voice said. "This is
Archie, down here at Joe's Catfish Shack, in Mobile , and I am callin' to
tell ya’ll that we are officially declaring war on y'all!"
"Well Archie," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is
your army?"
"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, my
cousin Harold, my next-door-neighbor Randy, and the whole dart team from
Hooters. That makes eight!"
Barack paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my
army waiting to move on my command."
"Wow," said Archie. "I'll have to call ya back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. “Mr. Obama, the war is still
on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be Archie?" Barack asked.
"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry’s farm tractor."
President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks
and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one
and a half million since we last spoke."
"Lord above", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."
Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. “President Obama! I am sorry
to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war."
"I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat
over sweet tea, and come to realize that there's just no way we can feed
that many prisoners."