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  1. #501
    Super Moderator LBR's Avatar
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  2. #502
    Super Moderator LBR's Avatar
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  3. #503
    Super Moderator The Rattler (BLR)'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrH View Post



    Sent from my iPhone 6 using Tapatalk
    I have that thought every so often...
    Don't Run Out Of Talent

  4. #504
    Super Moderator The Rattler (BLR)'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lbr View Post
    trdml
    Don't Run Out Of Talent

  5. #505
    Super Moderator LBR's Avatar
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    Stolen from another group, enjoy!

    Oil Change instructions for Women:

    1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
    2) Drink a cup of coffee.
    3) 15 minutes later, pay and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

    Money spent:
    Oil Change:
    $20.00
    Coffee: $1.00
    Total: $21.00
    ==========
    Oil Change instructions for Men :
    1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, pay $50.00.
    2) Stop and buy a case of beer, pay $20, drive home.
    3) Open a beer and drink it.
    4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
    5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
    6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
    7) Place drain pan under engine..
    8) Look for 13mm box end wrench.
    9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
    10) Unscrew drain plug.
    11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
    12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
    13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
    14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
    15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
    16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
    17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
    18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
    19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
    20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
    21) Drink beer.
    22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
    23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
    24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
    25) Begin cussing fit.
    26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
    27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
    28) Beer.
    29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
    30) Beer.
    31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
    32) Beer.
    33) Lower car from jack stands.
    34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
    35) Beer.
    36) Test drive car.
    37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
    38) Car gets impounded.
    39) Call loving wife, make bail..
    40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

    Money spent:
    Parts: $50.00
    DUI: $2500.00
    Impound fee: $75.00
    Bail: $1500.00
    Beer: $20.00
    Total: $4,145.00

    Knowing the job was done correctly..... Priceless

  6. #506
    Chauffeur Driver Hotrod's Avatar
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    Apr 2015
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    Clean Up Detail

  7. #507
    Wholly-Terror Driver Ed & Charlene's Avatar
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    Mar 2016
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    Rio Linda,Ca
    Posts
    720

  8. #508
    Crackerjack Driver MrH's Avatar
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    Ione, CA
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    Sent from my iPhone 6 using Tapatalk

  9. #509
    Upside-Down Driver Sweet34's Avatar
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    Apr 2015
    Location
    Arizona
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    418
    You might have to think twice about this one.

    A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
    How did this happen the emergency room doctor asked her?

    Well, I was trying to commit suicide...the blonde replied.

    What.....sputtered the doctor.
    You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?

    No silly the blonde said. First I put the gun to my chest and then I thought I just paid $6,000.00 for these implants. I'm not shooting myself in the chest.

    So then...Asked the doctor.

    Then I put the gun in my mouth and I thought...I just paid $3,000.00 to get my teeth straightened.
    I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.

    So then...Asked the doctor.

    Then I put the gun to my ear and I thought.....This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.

  10. #510
    Crackerjack Driver MrH's Avatar
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    Jul 2015
    Location
    Ione, CA
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    1,148


    I'm thinking he did it wrong!!


    Sent from my iPhone 6 using Tapatalk

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