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  1. #691
    Super Moderator The Rattler (BLR)'s Avatar
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    Sunday Funnies

    A man calls Pizza hut to order a pizza...
    CALLER: Is this Pizza Hut?

    GOOGLE: No sir, it's Google Pizza.

    CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number, sorry.

    GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.

    CALLER: OK. I would like to order a pizza.

    GOOGLE: Do you want your usual, sir?

    CALLER: My usual? You know me?

    GOOGLE: According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.

    CALLER: Super! That’s what I’ll have.

    GOOGLE: May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?

    CALLER: What? I don’t want a vegetarian pizza!

    GOOGLE: Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

    CALLER: How the hell do you know that?

    GOOGLE: Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

    CALLER: Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetarian pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.

    GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once at Lloyds Pharmacy, 4 months ago.

    CALLER: I bought more from another Pharmacy.

    GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.

    CALLER: I paid in cash.

    GOOGLE: But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.

    CALLER: I have other sources of cash.

    GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your latest tax returns unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law!

    CALLER: WHAT THE HELL!

    GOOGLE: I'm sorry sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.

    CALLER: Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without the internet, TV, where there is no phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.

    GOOGLE: I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago...

    Sent from my Pixel 7 Pro using Tapatalk
    Don't Run Out Of Talent

  2. #692
    Super Moderator EPL's Avatar
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    Too funny !!

  3. #693
    Super Moderator EPL's Avatar
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    A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational.
    On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.
    ‘About 32,’ is the reply.’
    ‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.
    A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.
    The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’
    Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.
    She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.
    The clerk responds, ‘Oh, I’d say 30.’
    Again she proudly responds, ‘I’m 50, but thank you!’
    While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
    He replies, ‘Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was.
    It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.’
    They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, ‘What the hell, go ahead.’
    He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast.
    After a couple of minutes of this, she says, ‘Okay, okay.....How old am I?’
    He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, ‘Madam, you are 50.’
    Stunned and amazed, the woman says, ‘That was incredible, how could you tell?’
    ‘I was behind you at McDonald's’.��

  4. #694
    Super Moderator The Rattler (BLR)'s Avatar
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    ...

    Sent from my Pixel 7 Pro using Tapatalk
    Don't Run Out Of Talent

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