Laugh for the day

[LBR]

http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160313/f78a43bccfd74003cb97ccfbbf9a03b9.jpg

[LBR]

http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160313/b3b7be1291446102d47e667932b957a8.jpg

[The Rattler (BLR)]

http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160313/e8cfcebb49033f379277bb5a3d3d516f.jpg


Sent from my iPhone 6 using Tapatalk
I have that thought every so often...

[The Rattler (BLR)]

http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160313/b3b7be1291446102d47e667932b957a8.jpg
trdml

[LBR]

Stolen from another group, enjoy!

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, pay and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change:
$20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $21.00
==========
Oil Change instructions for Men :
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, pay $50.00.
2) Stop and buy a case of beer, pay $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine..
8) Look for 13mm box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail..
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $20.00
Total: $4,145.00

Knowing the job was done correctly..... Priceless

[Hotrod]

1687

[Ed & Charlene]

they do grow on trees
1691

[MrH]

http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160322/37d050c9b8bf8773ace9d8d4913263ba.jpg


Sent from my iPhone 6 using Tapatalk

[Sweet34]

You might have to think twice about this one.

A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
How did this happen the emergency room doctor asked her?

Well, I was trying to commit suicide...the blonde replied.

What.....sputtered the doctor.
You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?

No silly the blonde said. First I put the gun to my chest and then I thought I just paid $6,000.00 for these implants. I'm not shooting myself in the chest.

So then...Asked the doctor.

Then I put the gun in my mouth and I thought...I just paid $3,000.00 to get my teeth straightened.
I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.

So then...Asked the doctor.

Then I put the gun to my ear and I thought.....This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.

[MrH]

http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160324/96ddc042c1d490617dbe1744c06d97c8.jpg

I'm thinking he did it wrong!!


Sent from my iPhone 6 using Tapatalk

[Ed & Charlene]

1702

[The Rattler (BLR)]

http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160324/50eb33190075603db3b84042283a387f.jpg

[LBR]

Headed on 99N today from Fresno....the Barbara, the Hotrod, and I were laughhhhing, talllllking, while cruzzzzing along in the second from right lane....a truck swerved very abruptly from the right lane directly in front of us....Grrrr!...our lane could either go straight on 99N or veer towards Gilroy at the interchange that I didn't flippin' know we were at....followed the truck gritting my teeth mumbling SOB at him and realized we were headed to flippin' Gilroy with the asshat!....went a few miles, flipped a Youie to get on 99N again. GD if we could only empty into 99S lanes....so to the next interchange to flip another GD Youie onto GD 99N again....GD Cali secondary roads anyway!!..... LMAO!!!!

[AlfaBaz]

It's the SoCal version of the weed vortex!!!

[The Rattler (BLR)]

It's the SoCal version of the weed vortex!!!
No not to CA vortexs. .lol

[The Rattler (BLR)]

http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160325/0f93670df9861738a414e507d8ccd517.jpg

[EPL]

Another ednolb joke !!


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[EPL]

http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160325/0f93670df9861738a414e507d8ccd517.jpg

This is also a blonde rabbit joke !! LOL

[CrazyCooter]

This is also a blonde rabbit joke !! LOL

I was thinking this is Ed flippin the bird in every pic!

[EPL]

i was thinking this is ed flippin the bird in every pic!

lol !!

[KNB]

Headed on 99N today from Fresno....the Barbara, the Hotrod, and I were laughhhhing, talllllking, while cruzzzzing along in the second from right lane....a truck swerved very abruptly from the right lane directly in front of us....Grrrr!...our lane could either go straight on 99N or veer towards Gilroy at the interchange that I didn't flippin' know we were at....followed the truck gritting my teeth mumbling SOB at him and realized we were headed to flippin' Gilroy with the asshat!....went a few miles, flipped a Youie to get on 99N again. GD if we could only empty into 99S lanes....so to the next interchange to flip another GD Youie onto GD 99N again....GD Cali secondary roads anyway!!..... LMAO!!!!

Welcome to my part of the world, lol

[LBR]

http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160413/678be1f84a40aa50b1102a0f9c7866e7.jpg

[lowranger]

That's funny, but the scarey part is ..... not far from the truth!

[MrH]

http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160425/a012b302084d80cbff8bfe40ddfbf638.jpg


Sent from my iPhone 6 using Tapatalk

[EPL]

Love it !!

.

[LBR]

For the ladies....

http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160507/90a4fc2ce494f202b11505f2274bf4e5.jpg

[LBR]

http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160507/d3ec1851fb10c69dd26e18a321b19129.jpg

[Ed & Charlene]

http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160508/c5466d036c5c5826be40d442dcecccae.jpg

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[Ed & Charlene]

1845

[The Rattler (BLR)]

http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160509/86c44e3741d879ada252bd088ff7c91e.jpg

[LBR]

http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160513/6facf6101160b45cbdb188d5065c6f67.jpg

[EPL]

Riding mower with catch bucket !!


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[LBR]

http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160624/0e5f83ceec47f721853f777f8c52c790.jpg

[Lennart]

A Mexican a terrorist and a Texan were in a bar drinking. The Mexican slams his drink and throws the glass in the air and pulls out a pistol and shoots it. He says in my country the glasses are so cheap we never have to drink out of the same one twice. The terrorist then slams his drink and throws the glass in the air and pulls out a machine gun and shoots it and says in my country we have so much sand we never have to drink out of the same glass twice. The Texan not to be outdone slams his drink throws the glass in the air pulls out a shotgun and shoots the Mexican and the terrorist and says in my country we have so many illegals that we never have to drink with the same ones twice.

[LBR]

A Mexican a terrorist and a Texan were in a bar drinking. The Mexican slams his drink and throws the glass in the air and pulls out a pistol and shoots it. He says in my country the glasses are so cheap we never have to drink out of the same one twice. The terrorist then slams his drink and throws the glass in the air and pulls out a machine gun and shoots it and says in my country we have so much sand we never have to drink out of the same glass twice. The Texan not to be outdone slams his drink throws the glass in the air pulls out a shotgun and shoots the Mexican and the terrorist and says in my country we have so many illegals that we never have to drink with the same ones twice.
This isn't a very politically corr.....screw it, that's FUNNY!...lmao

[EPL]

Lmao !!


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[Scrat]

Lmao !!


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Love it .

[EPL]

A few funny's



1. My goal for 2016 was to lose just 10 pounds … Only 15 to go ...

2. Ate salad for dinner … Mostly croutons & tomatoes ... Actually just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce ... And cheese... OK, it was a pizza... I ate a pizza …

3. How to prepare Tofu:
1. Throw it in the trash.
2. Grill some Meat.

4. I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web,

5. I don't mean to brag but… I finished my 14-day supply of diet food in 3 hours and 20 minutes.

6. A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it ...

7. Kids today don't know how easy they have it.When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

8. Senility has been a smooth transition for me.

9. Remember back when we were kids and every time it was storming they closed school?Me neither.

10. I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented … ---I forgot where I was going with this---

11. I love being over 50 … I learn something new every day … and forget 5 others ...

12. A thief broke into my house last night.He started searching for money … so I woke up and searched with him.

13. My dentist told me I need a Crown … I said, “Awright, pour mine over rocks..."

14. I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day ...
Just remember, once you're over the hill

[The Rattler (BLR)]

http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160730/3b805e3b3d451a1e64fe73c1f9f85911.jpg

[EPL]

So yesterday at Walmart this little girl, she looked about three. She was sitting in her basket mean mugging me like I kicked her puppy. Being the "adult" that I am, I smile and waved at her. This demon child rolled her eyes at me. So yall know me, I'm not about to played by some bald headed demon spawn. So I walk over to the mom and ask her if I can give her some candy, the mom smiled and said sure. I told the little girl to put in her pocket and save it for later which she did. I walked away, headed to the manager and told him that little girl was stealing M&Ms. The manager thanked me, stating that he is so tired of these parents not controlling these kids. Manager walked over to them, asks them to empty their pockets. I then looked at the little girl and flipped her off and walked out the store like a boss. ‪‬

[AlfaBaz]

So yesterday at Walmart this little girl, she looked about three. She was sitting in her basket mean mugging me like I kicked her puppy. Being the "adult" that I am, I smile and waved at her. This demon child rolled her eyes at me. So yall know me, I'm not about to played by some bald headed demon spawn. So I walk over to the mom and ask her if I can give her some candy, the mom smiled and said sure. I told the little girl to put in her pocket and save it for later which she did. I walked away, headed to the manager and told him that little girl was stealing M&Ms. The manager thanked me, stating that he is so tired of these parents not controlling these kids. Manager walked over to them, asks them to empty their pockets. I then looked at the little girl and flipped her off and walked out the store like a boss. ‪‬

I can so see Ed doing this!!

[Meathead]

2056

[Mike621]

http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160813/28d1d9cfe44029533a453ae04b07386c.jpg

[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]


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[norcalrob]

hilarious.. my brother has been waiting for the 17's release.. cant wait to show show him this!!!

[Meathead]

2069

[The Rattler (BLR)]

http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160816/6acd7f2de30b01124011255f91fa116b.jpg

[Meathead]

2071

[The Rattler (BLR)]

http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160818/6fac5a47cadc26be82d40362196efd4a.jpg

[TrailGirl78]

http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160820/6b17e83fbb041bf2211ad2309ce2e990.jpg


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[Mike621]

2074
LMAO[emoji38]


Can-Am XDS 1000 Turbo.

[Meathead]

2075

[Maverick4me]

2074
LMAO[emoji38]

The truth has been revealed! LOL!!

[The Rattler (BLR)]

2074
LMAO[emoji38]


Can-Am XDS 1000 Turbo.
I told LBR.. it was a planned takeout... :)

[Meathead]

2077

[The Rattler (BLR)]

http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160826/f499fd578f6838d380dfd8c658e5a5ca.jpg

[CarrieJ899]

http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160906/9d157e77eba4b2a932e73886d38167b3.jpg


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[The Rattler (BLR)]

http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160912/c893ae94a3168f3076cc031f6d07db57.jpg

[TrailGirl78]

http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160922/a3460ef90263eabf20dd8857a9afa67c.jpg

Funny but true!! People wonder why kids have no social skills....


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[EPL]

LITTLE JOHNNY IS BACK:

The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”

Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”

The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”

Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.

Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”

The teacher sat down and cried.

[EPL]

How pumpkin pies are made !!

[The Rattler (BLR)]

http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20161014/7151c165299aa171233d6c9435bb48ea.jpg

[Unstoped]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hrQPv1JBLpk

Funny dog :)

[TrailGirl78]

http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20161024/c2b88b4edeb487523d6ef8525f8d5126.jpg


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[EPL]

!!!

[EPL]

Two funny for so many reasons !!


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[Lennart]

Ha ha .

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[EPL]

Here Lance (LBR) I found you some "WOOD" so you can make Barb (BLR) happy !! LOL




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[LBR]

Bahahaha.....Hope the tide don't come in!

[The Rattler (BLR)]

Oh my gosh... that maybe a little big... lol

[Unstoped]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFsTpdXLiZg

Dont jump!

[EPL]

HaHa !!

[Ruckzuck]

I'M BLONDE AND I'M BEAUTIFUL!

On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested she move to economy since she didn't have a first class ticket.

The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving."

Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak to her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section.

Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving.

The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do. The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this."

He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so?"

Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked the captain what he said to her. The captain replied: "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York.

[DLFoust]

Amen .

[EPL]

After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.
As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, ‘Honey that was wonderful. Why did you stop?' To which he responded: 'I found the remote.'...

[Ruckzuck]

I could see an old person starting to do this .

[The Rattler (BLR)]

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170119/f47a26454a49e463c4f60fe7b5e2c18b.jpg

[EPL]

I i have had this problem before !!


.

[Bedo]

To funny ,

[EPL]

Be careful what you say!!!!

A man was looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library.

He asked a girl, "Do you mind if I sit beside you?"

The girl replied in a loud voice,

"NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"

All the people in the library started staring at the man who was deeply embarrassed and moved to another table.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the man's table and said with a laugh, "I study Psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I bet you felt embarrassed. Right?"

The man responded in a loud voice,

"$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? .... I`M NOT PAYING YOU THAT MUCH!"

All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.

The man whispered to her: "I study Law, and I know how to screw people."

[Mike621]

A store that sells new husbands has opened in Melbourne, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:


To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor haswives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex, have money and like beer
The third, fourth, fifthand sixth floors have never been visited.




























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[EPL]

Got lucky !!



.

[EPL]

>>>>>

[The Rattler (BLR)]

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170226/e2d9842c3d8b929dc52e0f457c9dd5d7.jpg

[The Rattler (BLR)]

This happened in parking lot here in Florence.. glad Noone was hurt.. lol..
I would love to hear the explanation when the Cops arrived..https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170516/2b8807b293c5e6b967ed5549695f3a31.jpghttps://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170516/01c6f062c8eac447847842d95086123f.jpg

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk

[EPL]

This happened in parking lot here in Florence.. glad Noone was hurt.. lol..
I would love to hear the explanation when the Cops arrived..https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170516/2b8807b293c5e6b967ed5549695f3a31.jpghttps://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170516/01c6f062c8eac447847842d95086123f.jpg

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Are you sure you weren't driving Barb !!

[The Rattler (BLR)]

No I wasn't but I had to drive by 3 times just for s$!ts & giggles

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk

[So Cal Sam]

Mickey walked into the courthouse on Monday.

He threw divorce papers onto the judges desk.

The judge looked up and said "Mickey, I already told you, you can't divorce Minney because she is crazy".

Mickey said "I never said she was crazy, I said she was f***ing Goofy!"

[EPL]

Blondie throws a party!!!


A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a blonde gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"

"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If they hesitates, that puts you on the track."

"What sort of question?"

"Well, you might ask them, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'

The blonde thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

[LBR]

Blondie throws a party!!!


A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a blonde gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"

"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If they hesitates, that puts you on the track."

"What sort of question?"

"Well, you might ask them, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'

The blonde thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

I think I got this....was he assassinated on the first trip by ship crew who left him on ship for 2 more world rounds, then buried him at sea and then kept sailing?

[The Rattler (BLR)]

😂
https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170731/ac6e36a5effe56b8f1b1ef9862dca6db.jpg

Sent from BLR Logistics

[Ripshift]

Some people may believe this .

[EPL]

Some people may believe this .

I know some of them !!

[EPL]

I just got Back from the store funny thing happen at the store I was going to get some orange juice when a blonde was just staring at the orange juice I thought what the heck what is she doing so I asked her what are you doing she said I'm looking at the orange juice I said why she said it says right on there to concentrate

[The Rattler (BLR)]

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season.
One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun.
When he got to the creek, he saw a beaver sitting beside the stream.
He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the beaver fell dead.
What do you think of that?"
The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that beaver."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

Sent from BLR Logistics

[Bedo]

Blonde Inventions


Some Inventions are simply better left uninvented:

Left handed pencil

Clear correction fluid

Black highlighter

Waterproof tea bags

Braille driving manual

Dehydrated water

Screen door on a submarine

Helicopter ejection seat

Air conditioning for motorcycle

Wooden barbecue

Glow-in-the-dark sun dial

Gasoline fire extinguisher

Battery-powered battery charger

Fake rhinestones

Fireproof matches

Glow-in-the-dark sunglasses

Mesh umbrella

[Yellow Toy]

Blonde Inventions


Some Inventions are simply better left uninvented:

Left handed pencil






Clear correction fluid

Black highlighter

Waterproof tea bags

Braille driving manual

Dehydrated water

Screen door on a submarine

Helicopter ejection seat

Air conditioning for motorcycle

Wooden barbecue

Glow-in-the-dark sun dial

Gasoline fire extinguisher

Battery-powered battery charger

Fake rhinestones

Fireproof matches

Glow-in-the-dark sunglasses

Mesh umbrella

Some of these sound like my wife would come up with .

[EPL]

Barb (BLR) your firewood is here !!LOL


https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20171121/5d34d3e49ee5965dad09d75f260e682d.jpg

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk

[The Rattler (BLR)]

Barb (BLR) your firewood is here !!LOL


https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20171121/5d34d3e49ee5965dad09d75f260e682d.jpg

Sent from my SM-G950U using TapatalkThat will last 1 night!!! [emoji23][emoji91][emoji91][emoji91]

Sent from BLR Logistics

[EPL]

that will last 1 night!!! [emoji23][emoji91][emoji91][emoji91]

sent from blr logistics

lol !!

[EPL]

I think this was the last cop that stopped me !!

.

[motleyones]

I think this was the last cop that stopped me !!

.Lol

Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk

[EPL]

Something to be said about this !!


.

[The Rattler (BLR)]

Something to be said about this !!


.Haha

Sent from BLR Logistics

[Seekhimfirst12]

Good one!!!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

[Sweet34]

Here is another Blonde joke .


A blonde comes to the office with one black shoe and one white shoe.

Her boss starts to yell at her:

You are ruining office reputation, go home and change the shoes.

The blonde goes home, and comes back after a while.

Boss I have a problem, the other pair of shoes at home are black and white, too.

[EPL]

To funny !!


.

[EPL]

Husband is walking behind his wife and says, ‘Your butt is getting so big it looks like an old washing machine. “

The woman keeps quiet and keeps walking.

Bedtime comes around, the husband starts getting frisky.

To which the wife says, “I’m not starting the old washing machine for such a small load. You’ll have to do it by hand!”

[EPL]

The everyday question !!


.

[Kbachell]

A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational.
On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.
‘About 32,’ is the reply.’
‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’
Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.
The clerk responds, ‘Oh, I’d say 30.’
Again she proudly responds, ‘I’m 50, but thank you!’
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, ‘Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.’
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, ‘What the hell, go ahead.’
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, ‘Okay, okay.....How old am I?’
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, ‘Madam, you are 50.’
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, ‘That was incredible, how could you tell?’
‘I was behind you at McDonalds’.

[Lennart]

to funny .

[Lennart]

One of the best window sticker's I have seen in a long time ,

[The Rattler (BLR)]

Funny2853

Sent from BLR Logistics

[The Rattler (BLR)]

Too funny2856

Sent from BLR Logistics

[The Rattler (BLR)]

Wonder if some people would actually try this.. selection process2857

Sent from BLR Logistics

[Ed & Charlene]

2884

[Ed & Charlene]

2885

[LBR]

Tires are getting bigger and bigger.....https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180907/95c4ffe8f18f84e174386047de4f7fcf.jpg

[EPL]

We all like bigger tires !! LOL

[EPL]

So true !!


.

[The Rattler (BLR)]

Beer2958

Sent from BLR Logistics

[Lennart]

Blonde's Flight Across Atlantic

A blonde is on a four-engine plane crossing the Atlantic. All of a sudden there's a loud bang. The pilot announces over the intercom "I'm sorry, one of our engines has just shut off. We'll be delayed 45 minutes." Suddenly there's another bang. Once again, the intercom clicks on and the pilot expresses his regret that they'll be delayed two hours.

Shortly thereafter, there is another bang and the pilot announces that they'll be delayed 3 hours. The blonde turns to the guy sitting beside her and says, "Man, if the fourth engine shuts off we'll be up here all day."

[Seekhimfirst12]

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181113/feed44f7d18d942372507b23aa6b6de1.jpg


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

[Sweet34]

A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him.

He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman hit the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. "I noticed the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car

[EPL]

Seem how it is sometimes !!

[Scrat]

Blonde YMCA

What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?

A: "Duh! Look! They spelled Macy's wrong!"

[The Rattler (BLR)]

Menhttps://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190106/1f3d82e5df8fa1d36a76ae9e25b29639.jpg

Sent from BLR Logistics

[EPL]

Works for me !! LOL

[Seekhimfirst12]

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190119/72296b96e0363d6aef0def18356f0b21.jpg


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

[The Rattler (BLR)]

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190119/72296b96e0363d6aef0def18356f0b21.jpg


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk ProOur Campground is VERY QUIET.nothing to talk about..lol

Sent from BLR Logistics

[EPL]

Our Campground is VERY QUIET.nothing to talk about..lol

Sent from BLR Logistics


Yet !!

[AlfaBaz]

Our Campground is VERY QUIET.nothing to talk about..lol

Sent from BLR Logistics

Fire walker speak with forked tongue!!

[Lennart]

NUDE BEACH ....... !!!

A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a family nude beach...

As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger

than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why.

She tells her son, 'The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.'

The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother

that many of the men have larger things than his dad does.

She replies, 'The bigger they are, the dumber the man is'

Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play

Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother:

'Daddy is talking to the
silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.

[The Rattler (BLR)]

That's good..haha

Sent from BLR Logistics

[EPL]

Lmao !!!

[Yellow Toy]

lmao !!!


so true !

[The Rattler (BLR)]

Hahahttps://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190126/d377ca03065b8a47e43d0826996de68a.jpg

Sent from BLR Logistics

[EPL]

....

[Ed & Charlene]

3052

[The Rattler (BLR)]

Hahahttps://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190131/ecb787267fdc3e8ac474aea382f312c2.jpg

Sent from BLR Logistics

[Scrat]

Redhead, Blonde and a Parrot:

One day a blonde and a redhead were playing together over the redhead's house while the redhead's father was out. The father had a pet parrot, which he did not let anyone else touch. But, when he left, the girls took him out.

The girls were playing with it, when the blonde grabbed the parrot and accidentally ripped out one of its wings. "Now you've done it!" the red head yelled at the blonde. "Go buy him another one just like that, here's some money."

The redhead went into her piggy bank and gave the blonde $50. "Okay," said the blonde, "but it's going to hard to find a parrot with only one wing."

[The Rattler (BLR)]

Friggin hilarioushttps://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190208/7a2f5d0712001126faf6bea65321f9c1.jpg

Sent from BLR Logistics

[EPL]

friggin hilarioushttps://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190208/7a2f5d0712001126faf6bea65321f9c1.jpg

sent from blr logistics

lmfao !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Ed & Charlene]

3068

[EPL]

Lmao


.

[The Rattler (BLR)]

Lmao


.Haha

That's funny

Sent from BLR Logistics

[EPL]

Joke of the day ..a lady was walking and crying at the store this morning . I asked her what was wrong she said I told him I wanted to walk down the aisle he sent me grocery shopping.

[The Rattler (BLR)]

Everyone needs a laugh every so oftenhttps://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200424/f0bda42f5528188ef877cf3439c43fc5.jpg

Sent from BLR Logistics

[EPL]

Haha !!

[The Rattler (BLR)]

[emoji41][emoji23]https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200714/ceb34aeab757b07831dc9718dc2ba894.jpg

Sent from BLR Logistics

[The Rattler (BLR)]

Today's funnyhttps://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200904/3ce48934b4316b8345a7e45e5201e06f.jpg

Sent from LBR Logistics

[EPL]

Today's funnyhttps://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200904/3ce48934b4316b8345a7e45e5201e06f.jpg

Sent from LBR LogisticsTo funny !!

Sent from my SM-G973U using Tapatalk

[The Rattler (BLR)]

September funnyhttps://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200912/09c6446bac2814511cbc7c7e6c88cc29.jpg

Sent from LBR Logistics

[The Rattler (BLR)]

2020 in the life of Lucy https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200913/adab43b44303c8a1286a5985d5139a95.jpg

Sent from LBR Logistics

[The Rattler (BLR)]

Funnyhttps://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200922/2b9b50bc654a56ae9506ef18eaf0a76e.jpg

Sent from LBR Logistics

[The Rattler (BLR)]

I wouldn't want to take that road..lolhttps://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200923/b26d181ffbcb2a4c48bf0f4ab1dcb6a4.jpg

Sent from LBR Logistics

[The Rattler (BLR)]

One of the funniesthttps://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20201001/86229ddce8ff4fa22844fd9d5049aa0b.jpg

Sent from LBR Logistics

[The Rattler (BLR)]

Smile


https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20201014/101dc2079674bcd236c98bf376b7bd9d.jpg

Sent from my moto z4 using Tapatalk

[EPL]

Smile


https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20201014/101dc2079674bcd236c98bf376b7bd9d.jpg

Sent from my moto z4 using Tapatalk

I know the feeling !!

[The Rattler (BLR)]

Funnyhttps://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20201023/fe9491aba6bdbacf30a77b4f8628f636.jpg

Sent from my moto z4 using Tapatalk

[EPL]

Sorry, but I need to vent!!!!
I experienced the WORST customer service today at a store in town. I don't want to mention the name of the store because I'm not sure how I'm going to proceed. Yesterday morning I bought something from this store. I paid cash for it. I took it home and found out it didn't work. So today, less than 24 hours later I took it back to the store and asked if I could get a refund. The girl in the store told me “NO” even though I still had the receipt. I asked if I could get a replacement instead then. Again this person told me "NO." I asked to talk to a manager now as I'm really not happy and I explained that I had just bought the item, had gotten it home and it didn't work. The manager just smiled and told me to my face that I was "OUT OF LUCK." No refund. No FREE replacement. Grrrrrrrrr. . I'll tell you what...I am NEVER buying another Lottery Ticket from there again ...

[The Rattler (BLR)]

Good one[emoji38][emoji3516][emoji3516]

Sent from my moto z4 using Tapatalk

[EPL]

VERY URGENT!!!!!
Whoever has been in contact with me in any way over the last 14 days should stay indoors and contact your nearest test center... I’m so sorry to everyone of my friends and family and those who have been in close proximity to me.
I've had symptoms for a few days now and it has just been confirmed...����������
I am very sorry ��������
I've been diagnosed with
being Extremely sexy and good looking and it's highly contagious...
I've also been told that there is
NO VACCINE
As of yet
����������
When I see this reposted I’ll know who read til’ the end.. I know a few that won't let me down on this ���� needed a good laugh

[LBR]

Well......No matter what happens tonight, here's my honest input on politics...what do y'all think... nostril or mouth hit?? Best urinal ever!!https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20201104/361112e137f2d42b26bca43db660d8c5.jpghttps://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20201104/781145485703e29b3efe47270b0c58e4.jpg

[LBR]

[emoji23][emoji23][emoji1787][emoji1787][emoji1787]https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20201109/d5425649ad2ae467daf2f15186968c6b.jpg

[EPL]

3241

[EPL]

...

[EPL]

i know everyone has done this at least once !!


.

[The Rattler (BLR)]

Push, pull, push, pull. Lol

Sent from my moto z4 using Tapatalk

[Ed & Charlene]

3249

[Ed & Charlene]

3250

[EPL]

Husband and Wife Christmas Shopping
A couple were in a busy shopping center just before Christmas. The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing and as they had a lot to do, so she called him on the mobile.
The wife said " Where are you, you know we have lots to do."
He said "You remember the jewelers we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace? I could not afford it at the time and I said that one day I would get it for you?"
Little tears started to flow down her cheek and she got all
choked up…
"Yes, I do remember that shop." she replied.
"Well I am in the gun shop next door to that."

[EPL]

With the holidays close upon us, I would like to share a personal experience about drinking and driving. As you know, some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time, often on the way home after a "social session" with family or friends.
Well, two days ago, this happened to me: I was out for an evening with friends and had more than several whiskies followed by a couple of bottles of rather nice red wine and vodka shots. Although relaxed, I still had the common sense to know I was way over the limit. That's when I did something I've never done before -- I took a taxi home!! Sure enough, on the way there was a police roadblock, but since it was a taxi they waved it past and I arrived home safely without incident.
This was a real surprise to me, because I had never driven a taxi before. I don't know where I got it, and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it. So, anyway, if you want to borrow it give me a call.

[Ed & Charlene]

3252

[The Rattler (BLR)]

Your laugh for the day
https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210217/d2ca06d32e25eb5933916343c5478b7d.jpg

Sent from my moto z4 using Tapatalk

[The Rattler (BLR)]

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, pay and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change:
$20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $21.00
==========
Oil Change instructions for Men :
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, pay $50.00.
2) Stop and buy a case of beer, pay $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine..
[emoji41] Look for 13mm box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail..
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $20.00
Total: $4,145.00

Knowing the job was done correctly..... Priceless

Sent from my moto z4 using Tapatalk

[LBR]

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, pay and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change:
$20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $21.00
==========
Oil Change instructions for Men :
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, pay $50.00.
2) Stop and buy a case of beer, pay $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine..
[emoji41] Look for 13mm box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail..
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $20.00
Total: $4,145.00

Knowing the job was done correctly..... Priceless

Sent from my moto z4 using TapatalkSure hope with so few of "beer" references used that they were FULL cans of beer, and not just SIPs of beer.....righhhht??

[The Rattler (BLR)]

LOL..
Interesting headline..https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210523/d65142a64ddb5aebc4e220677a088d47.jpg

Sent from my moto z4 using Tapatalk

[The Rattler (BLR)]

[emoji23]https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210901/85bb757423b6429e00f1342d998e57b6.jpg

Sent from my moto z4 using Tapatalk

[EPL]

[emoji23]https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210901/85bb757423b6429e00f1342d998e57b6.jpg

Sent from my moto z4 using Tapatalk

Everyone has to make a living !!

[LBR]

...https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210901/3edaf6bd4567189b494053aff3fd15b4.jpg

[The Rattler (BLR)]

.. https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210917/69771531e0d3a9a28016cdd2b9e7e1e9.jpg

Sent from my moto z4 using Tapatalk

[EPL]

.. https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210917/69771531e0d3a9a28016cdd2b9e7e1e9.jpg

Sent from my moto z4 using Tapatalk[emoji1787][emoji1787]

Sent from my SM-G973U using Tapatalk

[The Rattler (BLR)]

I test this theory about twice a weekhttps://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220109/f4b9855d036ac58e13eaea02c393a379.jpg

Sent from my moto z4 using Tapatalk

[EPL]

I test this theory about twice a weekhttps://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220109/f4b9855d036ac58e13eaea02c393a379.jpg

Sent from my moto z4 using Tapatalk

I think it's a little more than twice a week !! LOL

[The Rattler (BLR)]

...https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220603/b0ad6f41c0cd20f53f0aa919814a5236.jpg

Sent from my moto z4 using Tapatalk

[Scrat]

I need one .

[The Rattler (BLR)]

...https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20230625/e19965a0e1e0b2f718ae50857f23fceb.jpg

Sent from my Pixel 7 Pro using Tapatalk

[EPL]

...https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20230625/e19965a0e1e0b2f718ae50857f23fceb.jpg

Sent from my Pixel 7 Pro using Tapatalk

Thats pretty funny .

[The Rattler (BLR)]

Thats pretty funny .I thought of you because of the craps table.. LOL

Sent from my Pixel 7 Pro using Tapatalk

[EPL]

I thought of you because of the craps table.. LOL

Sent from my Pixel 7 Pro using Tapatalk

LOL !I thought you were going to say it's because I was full of crap !

[The Rattler (BLR)]

[emoji23][emoji1787][emoji23]Sunday Funnies[emoji23][emoji1787][emoji23]

A man calls Pizza hut to order a pizza...
CALLER: Is this Pizza Hut?

GOOGLE: No sir, it's Google Pizza.

CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number, sorry.

GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.

CALLER: OK. I would like to order a pizza.

GOOGLE: Do you want your usual, sir?

CALLER: My usual? You know me?

GOOGLE: According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.

CALLER: Super! That’s what I’ll have.

GOOGLE: May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?

CALLER: What? I don’t want a vegetarian pizza!

GOOGLE: Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

CALLER: How the hell do you know that?

GOOGLE: Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

CALLER: Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetarian pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.

GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once at Lloyds Pharmacy, 4 months ago.

CALLER: I bought more from another Pharmacy.

GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.

CALLER: I paid in cash.

GOOGLE: But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.

CALLER: I have other sources of cash.

GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your latest tax returns unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law!

CALLER: WHAT THE HELL!

GOOGLE: I'm sorry sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.

CALLER: Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without the internet, TV, where there is no phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.

GOOGLE: I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago...[emoji1787][emoji1787][emoji1787]

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[EPL]

Too funny !!

[EPL]

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational.
On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.
‘About 32,’ is the reply.’
‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’
Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.
The clerk responds, ‘Oh, I’d say 30.’
Again she proudly responds, ‘I’m 50, but thank you!’
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, ‘Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was.
It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.’
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, ‘What the hell, go ahead.’
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, ‘Okay, okay.....How old am I?’
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, ‘Madam, you are 50.’
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, ‘That was incredible, how could you tell?’
‘I was behind you at McDonald's’.��

[The Rattler (BLR)]

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